Journal Entry

If I was keeping a journal, this would be yesterday's entry...Friday, March 18, 2011...

I woke up looking forward to the day. Abby and my sister, Judy, would be spending the day with me. If Joseph was working in Little Rock, he might pop in for a sandwich and a quick fix in his favorite spot on the sofa!! My nephew was bringing my mom for the weekend. Jeff left Wednesday morning after taking off five weeks to be home with me and he needed to spend two nights out to reconnect with doctors in the northern part of the state. He would be coming home late afternoon. The weather had completely given in to spring with warmer temps, no humidity. I always get my hair washed and styled on Friday so, yes, this had all the makings for a great day. All the people and circumstances I mentioned occurred. It WAS a good day! But while eating lunch in a local deli, my pleasant mood was challenged.

A mom and son came in and were in clear view from where I was seated. Maybe they had been to the orthodontist or just completed his driving test. My mind reflected to times I and one of my kids had a reason to escape shool/work for some one on one time. That was a pleasant memory, something I always looked forward to having with each child. Then my eyes were drawn specifically to the way the mom was dressed. She had on a black knee length skirt with a white spring weight coat top stitched in black and to complete her ensemble, a pop of color with red heels. Had she been in my closet? I love wearing skirts and heels! I had one black suit that was my very favorite. I wore it so much that Jeff said it was time for it to be retired. I must admit that the lining of that skirt was worn through in certain places! I removed it from the hanger and placed it in my "give away" sack. The jacket had three quarter length sleeves so as the weather warmed, I pulled it out for one more season. The combination of the beautiful weather and her outfit reminded me of numerous times when I would go from work to Home Depot in suit and heels, peruse the flower selection, then load a cart full of flowers, bags of Miracle Grow soil, and mulch. I love freshly mulched beds and getting my hands in the dirt. I don't do that in my skirt and heels. As each season rolls around, I'm forced to face past behaviors and rituals with present limits and realities. Everyone encounters change. I consider change as an opportunity to explore, learn, and stretch out of my comfort zone. The change I currently am experiencing holds true to the model. We are constantly exploring to learn new, better, and leading to the best way, to handle the days as smoothly as possible. I had to give up the whole comfort zone concept several weeks ago. I miss so many things that filled my life before this disease filled my body! Today presented three. Wonder what tommorrow holds?