The Talk

The title of this post isn't about the CBS show on afternoon tv, but rather the dreaded time when you can't ignore that you must converse with your child about where babies come from. Don't act like you were looking forward to it because no one will believe you! And don't think because you survived the biology lesson you are through. Truthfully, that is the easy part. Phase two can be even more challenging but is extremely important follow through. With four children we experienced the child that pushed the discussion before we were ready, as well as the child that avoided the topic vehemently. I finally roped her into "the" discussion by using my method of planting flower seeds. Here's the spiel..."Flowers begin as seeds. We plant them in the soil and as the rain falls and the sun shines the seeds become a flower." It is a visual your child can wrap their brain around. Next I would transition to a baby. A baby starts as as a seed, too. The baby seed is planted in mommy's tummy in a very special way that was God's idea. I would then proceed with the biology lesson. As their eyes widen and they exclaim "Ooooohhh," refer back to "remember I said it's God's idea." If your child is young and this is the first time you have broached the subject, you may get away with the seed application. Because Anna Grace was older, she received the full lesson...even the part that produces the most disdain, that parents do the big nasty because they like it, not just to make a baby. One thing that stands out in my mind took place on the drive home from piano lessons. Anna Grace was seated in the back of the suburban. She was always content to read books on the numerous trips a mother of four makes getting each to school and activities everyday. As we turned on to our cul de sac, she rang out "sex, sex, sex. I want my middle name to be sex, and when I can drive, I want a purple car with a top that goes down...and sometimes when I drive, I want to hold a cigarette! " Rebekah and I were speechless! Younger parents often ask what age is appropriate. It is a good question with no specific answer. I conducted an experiment with Joseph in an attempt to know just where his interests were with regard to the opposite sex. We were shoe shopping and the young sales clerk had a tatoo on her chest and ankle. The chest art was visible only as she leaned forward to size the shoes he was trying on. As we drove home I asked if he had noticed her tatoo. His reply..."Oh, she had two, Mom." Joseph 's answer was our cue. It was time for the talk! Abby resisted much like Anna Grace, which was a surprise to me. I had approached her but made she made it clear she had no interest talking about "that." I said that was fine with me as long as she didn't discuss it at school. Her reply was, "Mom, I would never talk about THAT at school." I found that odd. School was where I learned everything! One of my friends in school seemed well informed on the subject and what she didn't know, her older sister did. I had two older sisters. Wonder why I didn't just ask them? Well, Abby didn't talk about it at school. But she did engage the subject at church! One Sunday Rebekah came running to me and whispered in my ear, "Mom, one of her friends just told Abby that sex is when your Mom and Dad put their private parts together!" I was thrilled. I had worried that Abby would be the one to initiate conversation first and we would be apologizing to someone's parents. Whew! Escaped that one! Believe me, when you have four children, you are thankful for every smooth issue! Rebekah was our only child that pushed the envelope in this category. At 8 she asked where babies came from but did buy my seed/flower explanation, for a while. Next my sweet Rebekah thought through our first discussion and presented the dreaded question, "Mom, I understand babies start as a seed but... (here it comes, the moment I knew would test my ability to hang tough in hard explanations or just do what felt safe, which was just lie!!)... how does it get IN there?" Well great, she had to go and bust up our party! We had ourselves a health lesson followed with "by the way, mommies and daddies do this because they like it, not just to make a baby!" There, I had done the evil deed! I dared to explain a very adult matter to a child. Not even a teenager, but a precious child. I must admit I felt pretty proud of my performance. I measured that primarily from what I felt at the end of the discussion (she didn't cry, yell or throw up!) followed by no more questions! That must mean she took it all in, right? WRONG! Months later when I displayed the lovely symptoms of morning sickness followed by afternoon sickness followed by evening sickness, I became suspicious! True to form these symptoms meant a fourth baby was in the oven! Surprised and then excited, we decided it best to wait until I was past the first trimester so the kids wouldn't have so long to wait for their new sibling. It was October which meant one thing, the Arkansas State Fair! We loved the fair with rides, funnel cakes, and the petting area (Especially the baby chicks sliding down into a tub of water!) The combination of movement from the rides and the aroma of fair food filling the air didn't create a pleasure filled Saturday afternoon for me. They expected me to accompany them on the rides like always, but I just couldn't bring myself to participate. They kept asking "what's wrong, Mom? C'mon, Mom." Sunday morning Jeff and I decided to share the news since I would probably have several more weeks of not feeling normal. Jeff called everyone to the kitchen, told our news, and we celebrated together as we said over and over we didn't know if it would be a boy or girl! We were all going our separate ways to finish getting dressed for church, except Rebekah. Remember when I said they don't recall all you told them or it did not register the way you meant? Rebekah approached Jeff with the question, "Dad, how long have you and Mom known she was pregnant?" "Three weeks " was his reply. Her comeback, "You mean you and Mom had sex three weeks ago and didn't tell us?" His second reply was, "You should go talk to your Mom." I remember like it was yesterday! She repeated her question and waited for me to explain. "When we talked, I explained how parents have sex because they like it. Remember it was God's idea." After hesitating she asked, "Well, how much do you do it?" After more hesitating I answered, "several times a week!" Her comeback--"I bet the Goad's don't do that!!!" (I considered replacing their name to protect their inocence but decided Starla and Phil would like the shout out!) Children are the most precious yet most challenging parts of life! Jeff and I continue to be pleased from our efforts to raise them to be as transparent as is appropriate to prepare them for the reality that life can bring their way. As I mentioned earlier in this post, the biological approach of preparing your children for sex is by far the easiest lesson. Jeff was diligent to question each child about their behavior with the opposite sex...very specifically I might add! This is one reason we allowed our children to date in high school. We wanted them to come home so we could teach them through disappointments and challenges dating provides as opposed to their roommate in college who might not have the best counsel. Remember, exchanging affection in front of your children is both normal and healthy. It is the beginning of what true love looks like. Don't be afraid of "the talk," rather prepare to embrace this hot topic!

Back in Business

Christmas 1996 Jeff insisted we should buy a computer for a family gift. I resisted because my tendency was to not give in to buying new things just because they were the latest and greatest. I remember having the same attitude about cordless phones until we moved into a tri-level house with three kids! Jeff encouraged me to explore the computer. First of all, I didn't have time, and secondly, wasn't it ok if there was one thing I couldn't do! HaHa ... I soon accepted a position with Noven Pharmaceuticals, and they placed a hand held computer in my hands. In other words, I was being forced into the technological world I had escaped until now. I adjusted and even enjoyed less paperwork. After six years, I decided it was time to work full time. In the last half of the 15 year run of college tuition we had with our four children, (and that didn't include two daughter's weddings in the first eight years, and Anna Grace's freshman year overlapped Joseph's senior year), I knew I had to step it up. The manager that interviewed me asked me what I considered my greatest weakness to be. I came clean and confessed "computer skills." But she hired me anyway, and my confession soon became a thorn in the flesh. Early on I got realigned to a different district and my new manager had a teaching background and he taught me a crash course in computers 101 and 102! I could cut, copy and paste with the best (not really with the best, but at least I didn't dread the idea of opening the once dreaded laptop with this e-mail driven company). After the five year mark with Covidien I found myself on FMLA since my speech had not improved but continued to digress, still with no diagnosis. Jeff came home one evening with a dry erase board and although thoughtful, it was not quite the answer for a verbose female. An Ipad was the next step, and quickly became my new best friend. My fingers flew all over the modified keyboard and I was able to reconnect with my family and friends. I could talk on the phone some, and text, yet not in normal Nancy style. Until November of 2010, I could write and answer e-mails that took the place of days of what had become normal by cramming the most I could in a 24 hour period. First I lost the use of my index fingers, but not to worry because I had full use of my third, fourth and pinky fingers and didn't experience any less ability to accomplish whatever I needed or wanted to write. I had started blogging while Jeff and I were on a trip to Colorado in August and had more ideas of things I wanted to write than I could get done. By Christmas I was limited to two fingers per hand and had to position myself to use them effectively. My last strategy was knuckle typing with my pinkies and the drawback became weakness in my shoulders to support this effort. I chuckle at the many ways I tried to prolong the use of my Ipad to communicate. In March I started a post that I didn't finish til the end of the month. I had to break up with my cool technology that got lots of attention from adults and children. Now I face the greatest challenge by far if I want to continue to communicate. With no ability to speak and no use of my hands, so sign language is a bust, I am left with the option of using my eyes gazing across a keyboard to type. I am thankful for the technology that created this communication device called Ecopoint. It has amazing capabilities that I have just begun to learn, but with only one rep servicing the entire state I have to wait my turn for tutorials with Jennifer. In fact this is my second attempt to complete this post. I "gazed" three hours only to accidentally erase my thoughts. I have no words to express my frustration. I vowed I was finished blogging, but being unable to use my Ipad effectively March through April, I composed so much in my mind and am determined to put pen to thoughts. Communication is sharing, and something I miss drastically. I have so many questions to ask and so many answers to give! (Like when did Pizza and wings become a combo? Pizza and salad, yes, wings and potato salad, slaw, or fries, sure. But pizza and wings? Not so much)! I am comforted by the fact that I have talked in great detail about that which I considered important, even to the degree that I became the brunt of jokes for talking too much! The benefit now is that Jeff, our kids, my family and friends know what and how I think so my input still is considered. I am reminded of a scene from the movie Mr. Holland's Opus. After learning their son couldn't hear, with clenched fists pounding the air and feet stomping the floor, Iris exclaims, "I want to talk to my son!!!" I completely share her sentiment. I want to talk to Jeff and my kids. I want to read stories to Hudson and Hamilton. I want to continue mothering in the fashion that requires more than a word or sentence here and there. Living with ALS doesn't always bring out the best in us. I think I will scream (if I could) if I hear "I don't know what you mean" one more time! And I know Jeff thinks "really, Nancy, you think I understand what your eyes or groans mean?" Some of those moments have led to tears, complete exasperation, and even a fist in the sheetrock to be completely honest. To add fair balance, living with ALS brings out the best in us as well. Somehow we get past what seems in the moment to be unbearable and move forward. Jeff and I have lived with the understanding that if we were going to be at fault, which of course we would be at times, then we preferred to over communicate rather than under communicate. I am so thankful we did! If you are waiting for the perfect opportunity to communicate love, instruction, forgiveness, excitement, or pleasure, what are you waiting for? Select what means of communication you prefer and get busy!!

Just a Thought...two

Lately Iam experiencing the physical manifestation of swollen ankles. I escaped the lovely reddish purple addition during all four pregnancies, so I guess I'm due. Abby was determined to help the situation and so she set out to find the perfect footstool that would position my legs at a ninety degree angle and thus relieve the situation some. What she brought to my room was Mammaw Ouida's roasting pan. We laughed and continued to use it whenever I would sit upright. One Sunday, when all the kids were here for lunch, I looked up to see two year old Hamilton coming toward me with the roasting pan. "Here Nan" he said, and proceeded to put my feet on the pan. To all parents, grandparents, and adults influencing children, please let this remind you that our little ones are looking, listening, and mimicking our words and behavior. No pressure intended, unless you need to clean up your act!

The Fact of the Matter is...

The following was written in November 2010 for Community Bible Study's opening session for the Bryant and Little Rock classes, read by teaching directors Mary Lee Dell and Sara Roberson respectively. Both are committed students of the Word and dear friends as well...

" On July 2, 2010, I was diagnosed with a motor neuron disease, specifically ALS. The disease first attacked the muscles in my mouth and tongue which caused me to have slurred speech in the beginning but has quickly moved throughout my body and is zapping my coordination, flexibility, strength, and balance. Because of that I have experienced several falls which have produced some pretty artistic bruises! Obviously, it is my constant goal not to fall, as well as the person with me. Since we know it can happen so quickly, I continue to hear the same phrase from whoever is "Nancy sitting" at the time. The phrase is, "please don't fall, not on my watch!" I thought it amusing at first but as I heard it more and more I thought, "are these people having a meeting without me?" or "did I miss the memo?" Even in the midst of such extreme disappointment that totally caught me off guard, we still laugh! And quite often I should add, praise
the Lord!

As we go about our normal daily lives we overlook so many things that are right in front of us, simple things. I don't mean this in a critical way, I had a normal life, too, until now. Things like: applying mascara or lipliner that actually ends up where you intended it to be, slicing an apple or cutting your own food, driving yourself when and where you need to go, ordering something to drink at a drive through, saying hello to someone you pass at the grocery store, talking on the phone as long as you want, multi-tasking,(how I miss that!) kissing your husband, children, or grandchildren with puckered lips, speaking and being understood, dressing yourself with no assistance, or tweezing your eyebrows or any other hair that has aggressively grown in an undesired place!


I could go on but I'm sure you get the idea. One normal thing brought to my attention lately in "the Natural" state of Arkansas are parking lots. I had never realized how sloped it is around here! Even places I thought were flat really aren't! My driveway is sloped, nearly every parking lot is sloped, and the designated handicapped areas are built on an incline most of the time. As a former runner, I thought at the top of every uphill comes the glorious downhill! That has somewhat changed for me. In other words, what is suppose to help me by being sloped to get around with a walker, really poses a challenge! I must work hard not to get ahead of my ability to keep up with myself! I have mental pictures of myself falling flat on my face in some designated handicapped area!

As my caregivers and I watch out for any possible mishap, we breathe a sigh of relief when we have successfully maneuvered through whatever we are trying to accomplish.
They think, yes!!, she didn't fall on my watch, while I check off another day without a fall. When I realized I was hearing the same phrase over and over, "not on my watch," the thought occurred to me, God never gets a break! His "watch" is endless, He isn't spending part of the day with me. He isn't scheduled in for the afternoon shift! He is AWAYS on "watch" for me. How else could I begin to bear this nightmare that has taken over my body and my plans for this stage of my life? How else could I have a moment of peace when I know what possibly lies ahead with this monster of a disease that has no medical cure! Hebrews 13:5 says, "never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." I know it by heart, I cling to the promise it provides and yet I still have the insecure feeling, why did this happen to me on Your watch?
When was the last time you read the "by faith" chapter? In Hebrews 11 we are told: by faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what is visible, by faith Enoch was taken from this life without experiencing death, by faith Noah was warned about things not yet seen and in holy fear built the ark that saved him and his family, by faith Abraham obeyed and went to a place he did not know, by faith Abraham, who was as good as dead, fathered a child to Sarah, who was barren and past the age to conceive but bore a child because she considered Him faithful who had made the promise, by faith Abraham offered Issac his only son as a sacrifice because he believed God could raise him from the dead, by faith Moses' parents hid him for three months after he was born because they saw he was no ordinary child, by faith Moses refused to be known as the son of Pharoah's daughter, by faith Moses kept the Passover and sprinkled blood on the doorpost so the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel, by faith the Israelites passed through the Red Sea on dry land, by faith the walls of Jericho fell after the people had walked around them for seven days, by faith Rahab, who was a prostitute, was not killed like those around her because she welcomed the spies. Do any of these sound like normal life situations or more like the theme of some adventure novel or movie? Was God on watch while each of these events took place? I suspect these people were living what seemed as normal lives to them like I was, but each had the opportunity to move forward by faith or not. In each situation God did not leave or forsake those living by faith, but provided amazing moments of provision in what may have appeared at the time like He had left "His watch.". We all get to choose how we function in what might be the most horrific, disappointing, maddening, faith stretching event in our life! I am trying my best to follow Moses' example in verse 27 of Hebrews 11, "by faith Moses left Egypt not fearing the king's anger: he persevered because he saw Him who was invisible!." In other words, he trusted God was on "watch!"
You may not like hearing what I am about to say. Until now I have painted a picture for you of how this event has occurred, some real but not so difficult thoughts I have had, and scripture that reminds us that God does not forsake us when it appears there is little or no hope. I would be misleading you if I stopped here. To give you the cheerleader version with a few light lines here and there so we feel encouraged by positive highlights would be leaving the wrong impression. Not presenting the whole story would be unrealistic and untrue.
I pray none of you will ever experience a tragedy of this degree or nature. My hope is to utilize my experience in a way that will glorify God and plant truth in your minds and hearts to equip you. If we believe Christ's teachings, we can't overlook his words, "in this world you WILL have trouble." The truth is I have many moments of unrest, extreme sadness, complete disappointment, jealousy about things that have been taken away from me and things I may not experience that I have dreamed of experiencing, fear of the unknown with how this disease will play out in me, and embarrassment as I lose more and more independence. I hear conversations and watch interactions that remind me that I may never participate again on certain levels unless God heals me, and as of right now I see no signs of that happening. What I witness is more and more physical weakness and inability to do for myself, more moments of pushing myself to complete things I consider vital for Jeff, our children, children-in-law, present grandchildren and ones to come. I had begun a new phase of life that would allow more time with Jeff and our friends, the ability to actually choose how we spend our time and money because of less responsibility since our children are independent adults, all but Anna Grace who at the age of nineteen completely still needs my mothering touch in this critical transition from home to college. The thought of not being present when my children have babies is nearly more than I can bear no matter what I write so they will know how much I would love them or what I smock so they have an heirloom treasure from me. Whatever you can conjure in your mind to be a situation of utmost horror, I have emotionally been subjected to that degree in my thought processes. As long as I am being completely honest I will confess that even thoughts of heaven where I will see my Savior face to face have not brought me peace. I continue to think that will be great later but not now, not yet! The guilt from that has made me question how committed I am to the eternal perspective or if I am more tied to this world than I realized. I have tried to comfort Anna Grace when she has lost friends in an untimely stage of life. I have said to her that they are in a betterplace and wouldn't choose to come back if God gave them a choice. Even if it is true it isn't comforting. How shallow our explanations can be at times! I admit there is nothing in that type of statement that brings me peace. But because I tend to be a positive person that looks on the brighter side of life and in this case, possible death, I refuse to leave you in the depths of despair. The complete thought of Christ in John 16:33 was that we should take heart because He would overcome the world. Just as I didn't want to paint a picture that was unrealistic in a positive realm, the reverse is true as well. I must respond to the eternal place prepared for me because I completely trust I will be there when the time is right. I know God is still "on watch" where I am concerned! Let me close with this thought from Hebrews 13:20. May the God of peace who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen ! "

Journal Entry

If I was keeping a journal, this would be yesterday's entry...Friday, March 18, 2011...

I woke up looking forward to the day. Abby and my sister, Judy, would be spending the day with me. If Joseph was working in Little Rock, he might pop in for a sandwich and a quick fix in his favorite spot on the sofa!! My nephew was bringing my mom for the weekend. Jeff left Wednesday morning after taking off five weeks to be home with me and he needed to spend two nights out to reconnect with doctors in the northern part of the state. He would be coming home late afternoon. The weather had completely given in to spring with warmer temps, no humidity. I always get my hair washed and styled on Friday so, yes, this had all the makings for a great day. All the people and circumstances I mentioned occurred. It WAS a good day! But while eating lunch in a local deli, my pleasant mood was challenged.

A mom and son came in and were in clear view from where I was seated. Maybe they had been to the orthodontist or just completed his driving test. My mind reflected to times I and one of my kids had a reason to escape shool/work for some one on one time. That was a pleasant memory, something I always looked forward to having with each child. Then my eyes were drawn specifically to the way the mom was dressed. She had on a black knee length skirt with a white spring weight coat top stitched in black and to complete her ensemble, a pop of color with red heels. Had she been in my closet? I love wearing skirts and heels! I had one black suit that was my very favorite. I wore it so much that Jeff said it was time for it to be retired. I must admit that the lining of that skirt was worn through in certain places! I removed it from the hanger and placed it in my "give away" sack. The jacket had three quarter length sleeves so as the weather warmed, I pulled it out for one more season. The combination of the beautiful weather and her outfit reminded me of numerous times when I would go from work to Home Depot in suit and heels, peruse the flower selection, then load a cart full of flowers, bags of Miracle Grow soil, and mulch. I love freshly mulched beds and getting my hands in the dirt. I don't do that in my skirt and heels. As each season rolls around, I'm forced to face past behaviors and rituals with present limits and realities. Everyone encounters change. I consider change as an opportunity to explore, learn, and stretch out of my comfort zone. The change I currently am experiencing holds true to the model. We are constantly exploring to learn new, better, and leading to the best way, to handle the days as smoothly as possible. I had to give up the whole comfort zone concept several weeks ago. I miss so many things that filled my life before this disease filled my body! Today presented three. Wonder what tommorrow holds?

Just a Thought...One

My miracle working physical therapist just left. She moves, stretches, and bends my joints/muscles every which way but loose! There is some discomfort involved but nothing I can't stand! I look forward to every visit. Today while she waw helping me walk, (heavy on the helping), I was struck by the decline physically I have experienced over the past twelve months! A year ago this weekend I ran in the Little Rock marathon with Jeff, Rebekah, Abby, Jeff's brother Winston, and my nephew and nieces Trey, Ashley and Bonnie. The only symptom manifested at the time was slurred speech and you don't have to talk to run...although I would have thoroughly enjoyed that on my thirteen mile course. As my miracle worker helped me from one room to the other, I couldn't help but have a bit of a pity party in my mind while working as hard as possible to lift my feet, keep my back straight and balanced so as not to cause us both to bite the dust! We just made four laps from the front door to the edge of the family room and back, but it was more trying than my jaunt last March! I can't believe my body has weakened to this state. If your are waiting to initiate some type of physical activity, C'mon! Get Moving!! I'm not writing this so you will feel sorry for me, but rather to motivate you to get in motion! You don't have to train for a race, but expend more energy than just going from your den to your car, your car to your first stop of the day and back! You owe it to yourself, your family and friends. It may take awhile before you like it, but endorphin power will kick in and you will be so proud!!

Amazing Love

Recently during the time we were all together singing, several phrases from the lyrics chosen by the worship leader planted thoughts in my mind I have not been able to dismiss... "Amazing love-how can it be that you my king would DIE for me...I'm forgiven because you were FORSAKEN, I'm accepted-you were CONDEMNED...CRUCIFIED, laid behind a stone, you LIVED to DIE, REJECTED and ALONE-like a rose TRAMPLED on the ground...you took the FALL and thought of me ABOVE ALL." I could write nothing else and hopefully you would follow the same thought process as I had from the emphasized words. If you catch on ot the theme, Jesus definitely got the raw end of the deal. No matter what struggles I'm combating, it can't begin to come at all close to the physical and emotional suffering he endured. I am completely inept verbally to describe his experience. It sent me to the gospel of Luke to read again the last hours Jesus was alive in the flesh on earth. He went to the Mount of Olives to pray, asking his closest friends, his disciples, to pray as well. I think Jesus reveals his humanness clearly by asking God to consider taking the cross process away. An angel came to strengthen Jesus but his agony was not lessened, in fact it intensified to a degree that as he continued praying his body perspired drops of blood. I can only imagine his emotional state to cause that kind of physicial response. I can, however, ask you to remember that even though he was the son of God, he was also the son of man, and the full weight of fear swept through his mind and body as it would you or I... were we facing any component of the levels of trial and suffering he endured. It's only natural since he was human no matter how much he believed in the cause. I have experienced moments when choking was severe enough to make me think, "Is this it?" So this is how it feels when your body has a stronger grip than your will! It is frightening, and Jesus must have had similar thoughts as his weakened body sustained abuse...including a crown of thorns placed on his head.
He returns to find no one praying. Instead they are sleeping. Again he asks them to pray when a crowd of men approach being led by one of his apostles. Judas betrays him, Peter denies him, the high priest and officers of the temple mock and beat him. They take him to Pilate who, after questioning him, gladly sends him to Herod because Jesus was from Herod's jurisdiction. Jesus continues to be vehemently accused, questioned, and mocked yet neither ruler could find any reason for Jesus to die. Both wanted to release him but they succumbed to the cries of the crowd to crucify him! The only break offered to Jesus was for someone to carry his cross on the way to Golgotha, where he would then have nails driven through his hands and feet securing him to that cross.
In our society there are standards in place to ensure the best means possible for comfort in the last days and hours leading to a person's death. It is called hospice care. Jesus received no such care. The soldiers offered him sour wine to drink but nothing to make his death more comfortable. There were people present who loved and believed in him but somehow I think they were over shadowed by the many who didn't. He didn't have the luxury of family/friends/medical staff circling him, singing, praying, or reading scriptures to soften his exit. What he had was humiliation as his physical body was exposed and separation from God as he took on the dark, sinful places of mankind.
Two observations from the reading are important. Jesus continues his ministry even in crisis mode. In the garden, when approached by Judas, one of the apostles drew a sword in defense and cut an ear off the servant of the high priest. Jesus stops any additional fighting and heals the servant's ear. Two criminals were being crucified along with Jesus. One of them acknowledges the innocence of Jesus and Jesus assures him a place in paradise. Reading the gospels, it is clear to see his intensity by... his response to crowds, or a single individual, children as well as adults, positioning himself in a boat to allow more people to be able to hear him...just to name a few. Read the first four books of the New Testament to see for yourself! Jesus loved people enough to sacrifice anything and everything for us to accept his offer of forever protection and assurance of being eternally present with him. He had limited time with a big agenda. I understand his push. The last hours on the cross were dark even though it was daytime. At his death the earth quaked, rocks split, and the curtain in the temple that hid the most holy place was torn from top to bottom-signifying that God was not hidden but was available to everyone! The head soldier and the crowds that witnessed these events realized Jesus was innocent. Why couldn't they grasp his Lordship before his death? How could they witness or hear testimony of miracles and still doubt? We have a written account and yet there are people who don't believe. Pray for more to be open to the gift of salvation Jeus died to offer. Since I was led to write this by song lyrics, I think it appropriate to end the same.
"What can I give him, poor as I am? If I were a shepherd I could bring a lamb. If I were a wise man I could do my part. Yet what can I give him...give him my HEART.